Dear Maggie: Better Than Just One

Dear Maggie,

I should be relieved to learn that Mir’s dreams aren’t simply his own troubles come back to haunt him in that way.  I’ve since learned that others have been having strange and terrible dreams, too.  But I can’t feel relieved, because the reason for it sounds frightening, Maggie.  Poor Nati got hurt to find out what it was.

On the other hand, the good news seems to be that many of my friends will be dealing with it together, and that’s always better than just one.  I can tell that Ben is relieved to know that there’s an answer to be found and that the dreams will stop soon somehow.  It all sounds very simple, the way I wrote it.  It isn’t.  I don’t understand a great deal of it, honestly.  But it’s a start, and no single one of them is alone now.

Well, except for me, I guess.  But I’m not having bad dreams, and I’m not experiencing physical pain that’s made up in my mind, either.  How terribly selfish I must be, Maggie.  I shouldn’t be thinking of myself at all right now.  I feel helpless to do anything for Mir or Ben or Nati or Nallo right now.  All I can do is wait and wait and wait for someone to need me.  No, that’s not quite right.  It isn’t all I can do.  I can do whatever little things anyone will let me do, and I can hope they help in some way.  Little things do help.  I know they do.

The lecture planning is coming along, though there isn’t a great deal to be said of it just now.  Nallo said he’s still collecting things.  I heard him sing a song that surprised me, Maggie.  I went to the hall to daydream alone again, and he was there, also alone.  Suddenly neither of us was alone then, as we had thought to be.

Ah, Maggie.  I want to feel thrilled at some of the things he told me.  But how can I, when he suffers so much?  And I KNOW what he told me Uncle said was right.  “I take a record-breaking amount of time to come to meaningful decisions about personal matters,” he said.  I couldn’t help smiling a little, Maggie.  It’s so true.  I know it, and I accepted it a while back.  But I was still disappointed that he didn’t ask me to come back home.

And yes, it stung some that he still has doubts.  I’m not sure what part of “I want to spend the rest of my life with you” he doesn’t believe.  I guess germination isn’t the only thing that hurts.  I guess new growth of any kind is painful.  But he’s trying, Maggie.  We both are.  And this time I’m not running.

Kiss kiss,

Ian the Promising

♥ ♥ ♥

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